Call me selfish, but I want to be happy! Life is richer, deeper and much more interesting when I’m happy… But what is it that makes me happy?
A key thing for me is having stimulating, deep conversations with stimulating, deep people – small talk is a fact of life, and I completely accept that, but sometimes it can feel like hell on earth! That might sound extreme to you, but it’s true! Some days I can chatter about the weather with the best of them, but other days I feel like a little piece of my soul is dying. It’s something I’ve come to accept about myself, and to work with – now I try to keep small talk chats limited to saying hi to a neighbour at the corner shop or a colleague in the car park at work, and instead spend longer with friends who similarly enjoy deeper connections and going to events where I know there will be interesting, inspiring people and conversations.
And an interesting study in the journal Psychological Science seems to be showing that my desire for deep conversations really is making me happy – the researcher, Dr Mehl, believes this is because ‘By engaging in meaningful conversations, we manage to impose meaning on an otherwise pretty chaotic world. And interpersonally, as you find this meaning, you bond with your interactive partner, and we know that interpersonal connection and integration is a core fundamental foundation of happiness.’
Explained in more detail in the excellent New York Times Online blog Well, the study poses an interesting question – can we actually make ourselves happier by having deeper conversations and avoiding the chit chat? ‘It’s not that easy, like taking a pill once a day,’ says Dr Mehl. ‘But this has always intrigued me. Can we make people happier by asking them, for the next five days, to have one extra substantive conversation every day?’
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to terrify the milkman by asking him the meaning of life or asking the postie their opinion of the political situation in Guatemala, but why not push beyond the usual office chit chat or take the time to chat properly to a neighbour rather than simply saying hi…
I’m up for it! Are you?
If you’d like some help figuring out what will make you happier, email me now at carole@caroleraycoaching.com for a no-obligation, free 15-minute chat about how I can help you
